Three jokes...

Socrates, on marriage..
Socrates, whose wife was shrewish, was once asked by a youth whether he advised marriage. Socrates answered, "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you will be very happy; if you don't, you'll become a great philosopher."

UN Survey

Long ago UNO conducted a survey and the questions were:

"What is your opinion about food shortage in the rest of the world."

Unfortunately the survey went as big failure. The UN team evaluated the reasons for the failure.And they found the following reasons:

1. 'Food' was an unknown word to the Africans

2. In Eastern Europe no one heard the word 'opinion'

3. Western Europeans have no idea about 'shortage' and

4. In the USA everybody asked: "What you mean by 'rest of the world'?"

About two minutes ago..
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"

"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"

"About two minutes ago," came the reply.